Quippy on the Run

Posted on 2017 November 5

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Are you listening? Are you LISTENING?!? … Of course not. — Quippy

We received in the mail another set of Quippy’s irresistible political one-liners, and we’re proud to publish them here. Still, we asked him why he didn’t bring it into the office as he usually does. Quippy replied that he’s “traveling around the country on vacation” … but we suspect it’s more to do with a county sheriff and an outstanding warrant.

All that aside, here’s the latest from The Quipster:

We set up governments for protection, but they end up protecting themselves.

Let’s say your region has wolves that cause trouble, so you bring in a bear to deal with them. But the bear gets together with the wolves, and soon you have more trouble than ever. (Now replace “wolves” with “monopolists” and “bear” with “government” and read it again.)

The Left will always be unhappy because it thinks fairness is the same as equality.

The Right sets up barriers to employment, then blames the poor for not having jobs.

A liberal is like a poker player who folds every hand because it’s not good enough, then complains about the rules.

The Right thinks that if we stop following religious precepts, we’ll instantly turn into rapacious, homicidal, thieving drug addicts. That’s like declaring, “If the cops aren’t vigilant, people will start driving on the left side of the road!” Drivers aren’t that stupid. (Well, most of them.)

Basically liberals are saying, “We’re no good at getting status through money, so you’re not allowed to make any, either.”

Basically conservatives are saying, “We’re the right kind of people, and all you broke weirdos can go fu— er, jump in a lake.”

For the Left, it’s not really “The Meek shall inherit the Earth” — it’s more like “The poor shall shake down the rich.”

Taxing to pay for charity is like compelling someone to be nice. You can’t change character by forcing it.

In politics, beliefs are tribal. Reason has nothing to do with it.

Progressivism is like The Borg: you will be assimilated.

Conservatism is like The Bore: you will fall asleep.

Political revolutions almost always fail due to the triumph of the power-hungry among the rebels. It’s enough to make you cynical about humanity, and when an uprising occurs, some will say, “The people are revolting!”

Anyone can get into an argument about politics. But “political discussion” is an oxymoron.

Politics and sports may be seem important, but one of them is an over-promoted waste of energy. As for the other: Go team!

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Posted in: Humor, Politics