Letter to Jeff Bezos — a short story

Posted on 2017 June 18


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Jeff Bezos is closer than ever to becoming the world’s richest person. — news item

“Dear Mr Bezos:

I LOVE Amazon! I use it constantly. I grab my friends by the lapels and shake until they agree to join Amazon Prime (the greatest bargain since time began!), and I thank God every night that you created it all.

Listen, Jeff: I got a small problem that you can solve for me without even blinking. I work my butt off at the job but I’m struggling to make ends meet. My mom is elderly and in poor health, my fiancée is getting impatient to set a date, and I’m stuck with some ongoing expenses that are really squeezing me. (Let’s not count the weekly trip to the Happy Ending Massage Parlor and that big debt I owe my bookie, because those are necessities.)

Anyway, if you could cut me a check for, say, $4 million, it would completely solve my nagging financial problems. Besides, you’d NEVER MISS IT — it’d take up only one half of one percent OF ONE PERCENT of your vast and well-deserved fortune. You’d still have twenty thousand times that much. (Besides, your value goes up and down by a billion or more each day, depending on the stock market. And what’s four mil against that?)

Most of all, I’d be forever grateful. I’d sing your praises to everyone I met, and I’d nag them until they joined Amazon Prime.

Okay? Terrific! Thanks, Jeff. You da man. Love ya!

Harry Wankerman,

4231 Papanatas St.,

Tonto City, Oregon

PS: Bank account routing number available on request.