Sound-Bite Quippy

Posted on 2016 September 25

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%22two quippy%22 lmproulx_green_monsterPUBLIC LIFE:

Asking the government for solutions, when the government screwed things up in the first place, is like finding out your drinking has damaged your health and then calming yourself with a beer.

We set up democracy to make us free, and now there are all these rules. Did I miss something?

The government is the Sheriff of Nottingham masquerading as Robin Hood.

 Politicians feel the lust for power and tell others they just want to serve.

Once you get angry, you can’t think. And political campaigns are all about making you angry.

Anger energizes a viewpoint, but it sure doesn’t validate it.

The Left wants to liberalize your social life and restrict everything else.

The Right wants to slow immigration … and beyond that it doesn’t know what the hell it wants anymore.

Even the best American leaders can only do so much to steer through trouble. An American presidency is like a controlled crash.

Humans evolved in tribal villages based on loyalty, family ties, and suspicion of strangers. Then they invented a high-tech urban society based on contract, networking, and openness to outsiders … but their DNA hasn’t heard the news.

How many wars would legislators vote for if they had to enlist for a tour on the front?

In America, freedom has gotten a buzz cut … but it keeps growing back.

PRIVATE LIFE:

Every year people make resolutions, and every year they get fatter. Could there be a connection?

If your purpose is to prove you’re better than other people, you’re setting a low standard.

Most folks who think they’re on a journey of self-discovery are just going in circles.

In a relationship, ya gotta accept your partner as is — venereal warts and all. [apologies to B.C.]

“Men rarely (if ever) managed to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.” — Robert Heinlein … Exactly. That’s why I worship myself. Saves a lot of trouble.

If all work were automated, and everything became free, would companies still advertise?

“We found an error in your billing” means “We’re raising prices, but we want you to think it’s your fault.”

You know what’s weird about Q-Tips? The one thing they’re for is the one way they tell you not to use them.

I was going to make a bet that the world would soon come to an end. But if I won, how would I collect?

Life is free — but you gotta watch the ads.

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