Quippy Gets Escorted from the Rally

Posted on 2016 March 20

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Governments are filled with the kind of people you want it to protect you from.

In politics, once you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Voting is basically about forcing your stupid neighbors to behave themselves.

We used to have rights above government. Now we must ask them for permission.

In Washington, money is like water: it always flows to the lowest level.

Trump and Hillary both want to make war in the Middle East, and both want to restrict trade with other nations. Their only big difference is that The Donald wants less immigration and Ms. Clinton wants more, because both know newcomers will vote Democrat.

If you wish your personal heroes would run for president, banish the thought — it would ruin them.

The Left would rather give up their freedoms than see a single rich man roam free; the Right is fine with Mexican laborers harvesting American crops, as long as they don’t vote.

If American politics were a battle between two religions, liberals would think they were praying to God but were in fact worshipping the Devil, while conservatives would think they were praying to God but were in fact worshipping themselves.

People on the left have trouble imagining how to make a better living, so they assume their wealthy bosses must have stolen it and should give it back.

Conservatives think liberals don’t understand that restrictions on big corporations blow back to harm the poor. In fact, liberals don’t care if they’re harmed, as long as they can bring down the rich.

A career in the arts permits a person to despise the wealth it prevents him from earning.

A minimum wage is like giving a worker an award just for showing up.

The marketplace is run by greedy bastards who’ll do anything they can to bring you high quality, low prices, and tremendous variety, and you don’t have to accept any of it. The government is run by righteous people who’ll resort to violence to force you to do it their way, and you have to accept it.

In America the Left loves big government and wants it to have all the force and power, so the very idea of conservatives owning guns makes them nervous. And that’s the point of the Second Amendment.

Today, an educator can get fired for saying, “America is a land of opportunity.” For that matter, when was the last time anybody said America was “the Land of the Free”?

Question: How can you tell when a white man of privilege is uttering a micro-aggression? … Answer: His lips are moving.

With micro-aggressions, if someone is punished for being violent when all they did was speak rudely, what’s to stop them next time from actually doing the violence?

America was once the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave; now it’s the Land of the Freeloaders and Home of the Blame.

“War on women”? “War on gays”? “War on Christmas”? Most people don’t believe in fairy tales, but that doesn’t mean they lob mortar shells into Disneyland.

If arguments are word battles, apologies are surrenders.

A nation can’t truly be great unless its citizens are grown-ups. Right now, the kids are in charge, so don’t expect much.

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Posted in: Humor, Politics