Quippy Goes to Washington

Posted on 2015 August 13


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The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected. — G.K. Chesterton


Tribalism is a holdover that doesn’t work well in modern nation-states. Still, we persist. But instead of stoning our enemies, we hurl legislation at them.

In politics everyone lies, and everyone tries to take advantage, and nothing ever gets resolved. It all seems important, but basically it’s a soap opera.

The original purpose of American government was to protect the citizens; today, its purpose is to manage them. We fought the Nazis, Fascists and Communists to prevent such a government from taking over our world; somehow, it did anyway.

Our own group’s desires are virtues. The other group’s desires are vices. 

Workable solutions to social problems arise, not from politics or legislation — which benefit one side against another — but from high-tech innovation — which benefits nearly everyone.

Politicians are quick to condemn widely supported proposals from the other side on the grounds that such proposals might offend someone.

Republicans are the Democrats of ten years ago.

Liberals think the rich stole it and should give it back; conservatives think the poor are lazy slobs who should get a job.

Conservatives are recalcitrant; liberals are petulant.

Conservatives fear contamination from the unwashed masses; liberals fear the rich will steal their last penny.

Donald Trump is a political shock jock — the Howard Stern of the Right. He strolls heedlessly along the edge of propriety and risks walking off the brink. The difference is that, when Trump oversteps, he uses his opponents’ resulting outrage to berate them.

Progressives envy the status and privilege of the rich, so they demand that Big Government wrest away as much of it as possible by restraining business and taxing wealth. Big Government thus obtains all that status and privilege, while products and services get more expensive, the poor stay poor … and Progressives still have no status.

Socialists hate the economic dominance of big business, and would turn that power over to the government … which would make government the ultimate monopolist.

The GOP possesses a gold mine of electoral power in the form of immigrants who share its conservative social values. But Republicans think people come to America for the welfare benefits, so they resist newcomers — and drive them into the arms of Democrats. On this issue, the Right flunks the IQ test.

Washington, D.C. has dominated welfare and healthcare and old-age insurance for so long that we now confuse charity with government, and we believe the only real way to get citizens to contribute is to tax them. Thus, the more determined we are to compel donations, the more we regard our fellow citizens with contempt.

When they say, “It takes a village,” they mean an entire nation should behave like a small town, and everyone ought therefore to look after everyone else — even if they’re total strangers from hundreds of miles away whom you probably wouldn’t like if you met them.

If people are good, we don’t need government. If people are bad, we can’t trust government.

Liberals generally believe they’ve been treated unfairly, and that the rich have too much money and should give it back. Thus, they have the moral outlook of armed robbers. Lacking a thug’s courage, they hide behind government and let it do the dirty work for them.

The greatest success of Progressivism — and its greatest moral failing — is that it forces you to pay for a government that forces you to give money to Progressives.

Parents will sacrifice themselves to save their young; governments will sacrifice their young to save themselves.

Each side of the social divide, awash in paranoia and conspiracy theories, firmly believes the other’s main purpose is to hurt them. Thus whoever wins elections immediately uses that power to flog their enemies, which renews the feud. This is politics, and it is considered a virtue.

Society’s problems in a nutshell: humans are tribal loyalists shoehorned into an urban world of strangers who are doing everything wrong, and there oughta be a law!


Posted in: Humor, Politics