Quippy’s Dictionary of Political Code Words

Posted on 2015 May 28

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(NOTE: “L” = Left, “R” = Right)

L  “The science is settled” = “We can’t stand any dissent”

R  “Obama wasn’t born in America” = “We hate having a Black president”

L  “Women are the same as men” = “Women are better than men”

R  “Abortions are wrong” = “Women should stay in the kitchen”

L  “All you men can think about is sex” = “All we can think about is men”

R  “Natural selection is unproven” = “I’m going to Heaven and you’re not”

L  “The one percenters have too much” = “We want their stuff”

R  “Occupy is a sham” = “We hate hippies”

L  “Vouchers will damage public schools” = “We public teachers don’t want any competition”

R  “Vouchers increase freedom of choice” = “We want to force-feed Creationism to our children”

L  “Increase the minimum wage” = “Everyone should be paid the same”

R  “Increase the minimum wage” = “We can keep Blacks out of work”

L  “Marijuana should be legalized for medical reasons” = “Let’s get stoned”

R  “Recreational drugs should be unlawful” = “We found a way to put Black men in prison”

L  “Global warming is real” = “We hate corporations”

R  “End environmental restrictions” = “It’s cheaper to dump chemicals into the water supply”

L  “The environment comes first” = “Let’s just get rid of humans”

R  “We need to collect all phone data” = “We love power”

L  “We can change the world” = “We can force others to obey”

R  “Islam threatens the West” = “Carpet-bomb the barbarians”

L  “Trigger words” = “Irritating ideas”

R  “It’s hard to find educated workers” = “We just bought a robot that can do it cheaper”

L  “There aren’t enough jobs” = “We hate corporations”

R  “We must rebuild this neighborhood” = “We’ve just been bribed by a developer”

L  “Women always hit a glass ceiling” = “We hate men”

R  “Women aren’t as good at science” = “Women should stay in the kitchen”

L  “OJ Simpson was innocent” = “Revenge is sweet”

R  “The electoral college protects states’ rights” = “Without it, the Democrats will win all the elections”

L  “Democracy is best” = “We can force others to obey”

L  “Let the immigrants in” = “We Democrats will get more votes”

R  “Restrict immigration” = “…Or those Democrats will get more votes”

L  “The rich are keeping us down” = “We don’t know how to make any money”

R  “Reduce taxes” = “We have yacht payments, you know”

L  “Businesses must serve gays” = “Revenge is sweet”

R  “Rock’n’roll is here to stay” = “We hate Rap music”

L  “Fracking is bad for the environment” = “Those rich bastards are at it again”

R  “Fracking is good for the economy” = “It’s cheaper to dump chemicals into the water supply”

L  “Free trade is bad for the economy” = “We don’t want any competition”

R  “Free trade is good for the economy” = “We can hire cheaper in India”

L  “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need” = “Gimme your money or I’ll shoot”

“There’s too much polarization in Washington” = “The other side is WRONG!”

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Posted in: Humor, Politics