Posted on 2014 June 19


%22quippy%22 thumb_Monster_funny_angry_monster


— An epigram stretches the facts to get at the truth.


Biz Quippy

— It’s not how hard you work; it’s how much the boss likes you.

— It’s not how good you are; it’s how successful you are.

— In business, a friendship can get you in the front door, but after that you’re on your own. So is your friendship.

— Many people think rich CEOs just sit at their desks and count their money. But those guys work their butts off 24/7. If they don’t, someone else will.

— If you think the CEO is making too much money, start a competing business and pay your exec a pittance.

— The battle for greatness is glorious, but anything hard won must also be hard kept, so the struggle never ends.


TV Quippy

— Soap operas are war stories for women.

— Mixed martial arts is what soap operas would be like if men viewed them.

— A watched pot never boils; a watched phone never rings; a watched soap opera never ends.

— In the business of Hollywood, when someone lies, it’s really not a lie — it’s a “story”.

— On the set, the stars merely act friendly and likable. In fact, they are royalty and you are a courtier.

— When we watch Hollywood interviews with glamorous, happy, charming actors, we’re tempted to think, “It’d be great to live like them,” but we do well to remind ourselves that offscreen they are raging addicts or tyrants or serial two-timers or neurotically insecure or ADHD or obsessive-compulsive or bi-polar or suicidal.

— The hell of it is that crazy actors often give life to some of the most beautiful and profound works of art.



— Shortly after the printing press was invented, someone opened a freshly bound volume and commented, “Nice, but there will always be scrolls.”

— If technology is making things better and cheaper, how come my phone bill never gets smaller?

— It would be interesting to create a false online identity, let it get hijacked, and watch the bad guys try to extort money from it.

— Smaller may be better, but even smaller still may be worse. This applies to houses, cars, classrooms, diets, mobile devices, teacup dogs, noses … 

— I have the sneaking suspicion that half of all diagnosed cavities are merely random blotches on x-rays. But they sure help pay for the dentists’ lifestyle. So open wide: your yawn is their yacht.



— You can force me to obey, but you can’t make me good.

— Much of politics is an attempt to use legislation to overturn the laws of reality.

— Robbers and burglars often claim they’ve been mistreated by society and are therefore entitled to take from others. This attitude also applies to political movements.

— The ones who complain loudest about property rights are the first to take yours.

— In America, the people can alter the government if they perceive it to be a threat, but not the other way around. Right?

A hard truth from science for conservatives: The climate is warming, and it’s probably our fault. A hard truth from science for liberals: We’ve been genetically modifying food for 10,000 years.

— A presidential candidate always will accuse the incumbent of screwing up foreign policy. If elected, the candidate promptly adopts the same policies.

— Marxists believe capitalism forces workers to slave away with little to show for their labor. So they prescribe socialism, by which the government forces workers to slave away with little to show for their labor.

— Overheard from an ex-soldier: “Don’t tell me ‘Thank you for your service’ and then vote for the same idiots who keep getting us into trouble overseas.”


Motley Quippy

— Just because you’re friendly doesn’t mean you have friends.

— Just because people are friendly doesn’t mean they like you.

— You can be good and obedient, but that probably prevents you from being an adult.

— A locked door doesn’t make you safe; a college degree doesn’t make you smart; a clean rap sheet doesn’t make you a good citizen; a marriage doesn’t make you loved; the Internet doesn’t make you connected. And being witty doesn’t make you popular.

— If your life sucks, don’t get too mad at God. It’s probably all just a video game in His head.