When Someone Says …

Posted on 2014 April 10

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When someone says, “To be perfectly frank” … you’re going to hear a whopper.

When someone says, “Trust me” … check your wallet.

When someone says, “I know what I’m doing” … he doesn’t.

When someone says, “You’re being selfish!” … they want your stuff.

When someone says, “Everybody knows that!” … they don’t.

When someone says, “Just checking — I’ve been ripped off before” … you’re about to be ripped off.

When someone says, “Call me! We’ll do lunch” … he’ll disappear.

When someone says, “Based on a true story!” … it’s fiction.

When someone says, “Don’t worry! I’ve got the money” … he’s broke.

When someone says, “Do you have any evidence?” … they don’t want to hear it.

When someone says, “I feel your pain” … he wants your vote.

When someone says, “I’ll go ask management” … the answer is “No.”

When someone says, “You can’t do that!” … you can, but they don’t want you to.

When someone says, “Finish the project and we’ll talk about a raise” … there’s no raise.

When someone says, “We’ve always done it that way” … they haven’t.

When someone says, “I’ll get back to you on this” … a great silence will descend.

When someone says, “This time I’ll do it right, I promise!” … they’ll screw it up.

When someone says, “You have to make an appointment” … they want you to leave.

When someone says, “You can’t find a better deal anywhere!” … you can.

When someone says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it” … he did.

When someone says, “That person is evil!” … that person is in their way.

When someone says, “Don’t worry, I’ve taken care of everything” … you’re screwed.

When someone says, “This is the next big thing!” … it ain’t.

When someone says, “It’s not just about selling to you — we’re friends now” … you’ll never hear from them again.

When someone says, “You look fine in that outfit” … you don’t.

When someone says, “He started it!” … he didn’t.

When someone says, “Get in on this now! It’s a sure thing” … you’re the patsy.

When someone says, “It’s for your own good” … it’s for their own good.

When someone says, “Let’s form a committee” … they’re trying to kill your idea.

When someone says, “I don’t have a drinking problem!” … he’s a drunk.

When someone says, “Hey, look who’s here!” … they’ve forgotten your name.

When someone says, “Hurry, before they’re all gone!” … there’s plenty left.

When someone says, “I really shouldn’t” … she’s about to do it.

When someone says, “It’s OVER!!” … it is.

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