Bad Puns

Posted on 2014 April 3


cartoon_speech_bubble Okay, so I was reading yet another email filled with silly puns:

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds.

2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do.

3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.

4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.

5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.

You get the idea. Then it hit me: “Hey, I can do that!” (I do suffer from a huge case of Dunning-Kruger Syndrome.) So here are my contributions to this deathless art form:

ABSOLUTION: How cannibals cook stomach muscles.

ALPHABET: The first ante from a Greek in a Poker game.

BEATITUDE: How a lazy-but-bright student feels about school exams.

BENIGN: A Craps player’s prayer after his opening roll is a four and a five.

CRUNCH TIME: Workout at the gym.

DICTION: When everyone avoids Richard.

DISASTER: What the liposuction doctor did to the fat woman.

DOORJAMB: What Jim Morrison did onstage.

INGENIUS: Where food goes when a really smart person eats.

INTERN: How doctors do hospital hours.

INTERSTATE: The condition of being dead inside a mausoleum.

OUTLINE: What a con man is doing away from home.

PLEASING: What you say to a Broadway star.

PRECEDENT: How you examine a new ding in your car.

UNDERSTAND: Where trash goes at a sporting event.

…There, that wasn’t so good, was it? But now it’s your turn! Reply with some zingers, and, if the Committee at The JimBlog deems them as wondrous as the pearls posted above, we’ll add them to the list. So have at it!

* * * * Ooh, lookie, there’s more!

MUSKETEER: Hearing damage from firearms. (from Carrie G)

PRALINE: A spiritual diet plan. (from Carrie G)

MISGIVING: Nostalgic for the holidays.

CARPETING: Wiping down an automobile.

DESCRIBE: Fire the writing staff.

CERTAINTY: Breath mint dropped into a glass of pekoe.

SUCCEED: What you do when you bite into a slice of watermelon.

PARADE: Help from a golf coach.

STUPENDOUS: Trapped by Stuart.

BABBLE: Male offspring of a sheep and cow.

DEBATE: What you use to catch de fish.

NITRATE: Late-evening pricing at a hotel.


Posted in: Humor