Make Me Laugh — a short story

Posted on 2014 February 13

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%22make me laugh%22 cuteladyoldman

“Attractive dance instructor, age 53, seeks men age 45-60 for short-term dating / long-term dating / friendship. I love life, am adventurous, friendly and a good listener, and I’m told I have the sense of humor of a 16-year-old. Reply only if you think you can make me laugh.”

Dear Attractive:

Okay, so there I was, walking to school, age 16, and this witch popped out of the bushes, waved a wand at me, shouted, “I avenge myself on your ancient ancestors, who wronged me, by changing you into a 60-year-old man.” (Actually, she said it really fast, so I’m not sure I got it right. It sounded like, “Iavengemyselfonyourancientancestorswhowrongedmebychangingyouintoa60yearoldman andthisshouldworkifItalkfastenough.”) And poof! she disappeared. I didn’t feel any different, except maybe like I’d been in a bar fight. But like I said I’m only 16 and haven’t been in any bars yet, so I’m not sure. 

At school everybody looked at me funny, so I went into the boy’s room and checked myself out in the mirror and — OMG I’m, like, OLD!! In school, nobody recognized me, and all my teachers chased me out of their classrooms. I kept trying to tell people who I really was, but NOBODY BELIEVED ME. Everyone thinks I’m some old guy. I ran home.

After I got over being depressed, I called a stoner friend who knows about these things, and he said, “If you can get a beautiful FEMALE DANCE INSTRUCTOR, who’s IN HER 50s, to make YOU laugh, the spell will be broken. Otherwise, you’re stuck, dude.” He also said I had to be doing a dancing backbend while I read it, but my computer’s a desktop and I’m no good at reading upside-down, so he said the other possibility was if I just did some jazz leaps while reading your message. I’ll have to practice. 

I went online and registered on personals sites, but nobody believes I’m 16, so I finally decided to just face it and list my age as 60. But I’m really 16! I swear!!

Anyway, I was wondering if you could do me a huge favor and say something really hilarious so the spell gets broken and I can get back to normal. If it works, I’ll thank you forever and try to get you to go out with me (but of course you’ll say NO because I’ll be back to only 16). If the joke doesn’t work, well, at least we had a laugh. The good thing is, I’m totally a cheap date about laughing (my mom says I giggle like Magnum P.I., whatever that means), so this could work. 

Pleeeze give it a try! You’re my only hope! I’m begging you! I need my hair back. Anyway, best of luck with it. Just toss off a joke! And thanks in advance for trying. (If it fails, well, I’m definitely going out to bars because, like, who’s gonna card me?)

[no response]

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