I Wanted to Be a Jedi Master, But…

Posted on 2014 January 23


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There’s a test you can take online where you answer a bunch of questions and then they tell you which “Star Wars” character you most resemble. I took the test. It asked questions like “What would you do if your friend got in trouble at a bar?” and you’d select from a set of multiple-choice answers. The test was fun.

I was hoping I’d be a Jedi knight, or at least a rebel X-wing pilot. Something cool.

Nope. Turns out I’m C-3PO.

You know. The nerdy robot.


Sure, Threepio is a “protocol droid”, which means he’s a good guy, smart, and diplomatic. And shiny. But he tends to complain, and he’s a bit of a coward. Plus he walks in a shuffle, like he had a stroke or there’s a stick up his ass. And he has no sex appeal whatsoever.

Okay, okay, I am a bit like him: verbal, polite, intelligent, bald, and my strongest martial arts skill involves hiding. Besides, it might have been worse: I could have been Princess Leia. Or that blue creature with wings who wants to own you as a slave, if he can’t steal your wallet. Or an Ewok.

At least I wasn’t Jar Jar Binks. Thank God. Jar Jar is verbal — way too verbal — and I do tend to talk a lot. And he went into the diplomacy business, kind of like Threepio. And he’s tall. So maybe it was a close shave and I got lucky. Perhaps the smart, diplomatic move is to settle politely for nerdy and shiny and be done with it.

There, that’s enough about that. I’ll just shut down for awhile.

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UPDATE: Which Tolkein character are you? I’m an Elf. Which, I suppose, is an upgrade. After all, there’s Legolas.