As to That, It Makes One Think

Posted on 2014 January 2

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Don’t read this sentence.

You may sometimes think you’re delusional, but you’re wrong.

What’s the difference between a fish?

Two hikers get lost on a mountain ridge. One pulls out a map, studies it, and says, “I know where we are.” The other asks, “Where?” The first hiker points to a nearby mountain. “See that peak? That’s where we are.”

What does DNA stand for? — “National Dyslexia Association.”

There are two signs of impending senility, memory loss and … and …

Is it hotter in the summer or in La Jolla?

Why did America invade Iraq after Afghanistan? — Because the light was better.

The last thing that went through the bug’s mind as it struck the windshield was its ass.

If I think I’m sane, how do I know?

Life is like lime with an “f”.

And what does the “f” in fractal mean? — It means “fractal”.

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb? — Two: one to change the bulb, and one to not change the bulb.

Sometimes it makes sense to be irrational.

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? — To get to the other … um … never mind.

You’re unique. Just like everyone.

Once there was a conservative who later became a liberal. Also there was a liberal who later became a conservative. Which one was right? (And which was left?)

Is it faster to Kansas City or by plane?

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary.

You have to be free.

One day a butterfly dreamed it was a human. And here you are.

This sentence is false.

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(Apologies to theguardian.com and various Zen Buddhist websites and Larry Wilson for borrowing and adapting some of these jokes.)

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