Quick Words of Everyday Wisdom

Posted on 2011 November 24


In yet another attempt to simplify your reading chores, here’s a short set of aphorisms, bon mots, and sayings that yours truly made up for your high-speed amusement:

–Do what you want, not what others prefer, because you won’t spend any time on your deathbed moaning, “I should have done more proper things.”

–If you’re waiting and waiting for a call from that special someone, go out and meet new people.

–Don’t love people because they’re good; love them because they’re lovable.

–Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they have to get along with you.

–If your friends keep telling you to change, they aren’t really your friends.

–If your doctor keeps telling you to change, maybe your doctor is right.

–If you do everything correctly — tofu diet, no fried foods, no smoking, limited drinking, lots of exercise, daily chanting, doctor visits — you won’t live any longer, but it’ll feel like it.

–Whatever you prefer that people frown on — cigars, drugs, plastic bags, watter bottles, V-8 engines, boxing, red meat — indulge in them now, because soon they’ll be illegal.

–Follow the fashion crowd and spend a fortune; follow your own style and be a classic at a discount.

–That reality-TV show you love is pointless, but so are all those annoying activists who think you should get up from the couch and follow them off a cliff.

–When someone accuses you of being selfish, check your wallet.

–You’ve a bigger chance of dying in a traffic accident on the way to the polling booth than of changing the election with your one vote, so drive carefully.

–When a public project succeeds, that’s cited as a reason to spend more on it; when it fails, that’s cited as a reason to spend more on it.

–Saying, “The poor get what they deserve” is callous; saying, “The rich should pay for us” is childish.

–Every plan to improve society involves giving money to the proponent.

–When the politicians reassure you with, “Obey the law and you’ll have nothing to worry about,” they’re about to disobey the law, and you have a lot to worry about.

–If politicians tell you their efforts are making us more civilized and less violent, and you believe them, you’re just letting your guard down.

–When someone says, “My dog doesn’t bite,” you’re about to get bitten.

–“I never buy anything at the door” is the best reply to door-to-door sales people.

–“Hurry before they’re all gone!” means, “If you don’t buy now, we’ll have to lower our prices.”

–When you’re willing to lose a fight with a bully, he’ll walk off, and you win anyway.

–Since everyone wants to own a home, it’s cheaper to rent and invest the difference.

–Just because they’re big Hollywood celebrities doesn’t mean they’re experts on world affairs.

–When scientists announce startling new discoveries, they’re angling for grant money, so don’t take them too seriously.

–Routinely seeing your doctor twice a year is a good health measure for your doctor’s bank account.

–Agreeing that the world is warming isn’t the same as agreeing that governments should stumble in and try to fix it.

–It’s fine to have faith in the invisible, but remember that millions of others have faith in completely different invisibles.

–You can believe any damn thing you want, and you can be angry with those who disagree, but it’s a sure thing that at least one of you is wrong.

–You don’t have to understand the world to live in it, and you don’t have to be smart or strong or pretty, but they help.

–There’s nearly always a way out of any fix, so don’t give up until you’re dead.


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